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Bonding with Your Daughter

October 15, 2011

Confident & Strong

What is the best abstinence program out there for girls?  How about the best anti-drug or alcohol program?  What about the best academic or school behavior program?  It turns out they are all the same program.  The answer is simple:  a strong relationship with a father is the best antidote to troubling teenager behavior for girls.  Men, if you want your daughter to be safe, strong and healthy, then go out of your way to develop a special bond with her.  I mean a special bond!!!  How do you know you have a special bond?  Here are some questions to consider:

*Do you and your daughter have a special place(s) that just the two of you go?

*Do you have special language/nicknames or signals that the two of you use?

*Are you affectionate in a healthy way with your daughter?

*Are you patient when your daughter is in emotional turmoil?

*Do you send her cards, notes, texts & emails just to let her know you are thinking about her?

You might be thinking, it sounds like you are dating your daughter!!!  You obviously are not dating her, but the behaviors of treating her as a special person might look like the behaviors of some boyfriends.  My point is simple:  treat your daughter as someone special and she will grow up secure and confident.  If she does not feel the specialness from you, she will look to other sources (boyfriends, friends) to find that specialness.  Over the years, my daughter Sarina (18) and I have built a nice bond.  We have favorite TV shows/movies that we watch together, restaurants that the two of us go to and  I even went to work with her as she cleaned an office building.  I text her at school and like to skype with her for a few minutes here and there.  I often just tell her to have a blessed day.  We do not often have long, intense conversations, but there is a trust that has built up over time that feels good.  And we hug everyday without fail.  For a guy who came from a non-hugging environment that is quite a change for me, but a good one.

If your daughter is young, awesome, you have time to get the bond going early.  If your daughter is a teenager or older, you still have time. Pick one small thing to do differently and do it for a month.  Your daughter will notice.  After a month, add something else to your relationship.  I think you will be surprised at the power of your actions.  Our daughters are waiting for us to be their heroes.

Patrick Donohue is a Life Coach in Oak Park, IL.  Contact him at

2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 16, 2011 8:49 pm

    Very nice Patrick.
    This reminds me of parts of the song from Bruno Mars – Just The Way You Are
    ‘Cause you’re amazing Just the way you are’
    I think more girls need to hear that instead trying to compare themselves to women they see in magazines and on tv.
    Keep up the good blogs!

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