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Pride in a Son

March 8, 2012

Yesterday was a tough day in our house.  Our sophomore son Shaan was cut from the high school baseball team.  Shaan has played baseball since age five and I have coached him for 10 seasons.  We knew it would be close as to whether he made the team, but the final news is still a jolt.  As someone who was an All-State high school baseball player, played in college and coached for 20 years, I feel the loss as well.

But, here is the exciting news.  Shaan is actually doing well.  Yes, the rejection of getting “cut” stings, but he is already talking about the opportunities that are now open to him.  He snapped out of bed this morning to get ready for his 6:00 am weight lifting session for football.  No moping, sulking or feeling sorry for himself.  We have been talking a lot about having a “growth mindset” (he does have me as a father!!!), rather than a fixed mindset that defines failing as being a failure.  It feels like he accepting the loss, but already pointing to the future.  As a parent, it is gratifying to watch him react positively to setbacks.

For us as fathers, some of our most crucial work is done when our kids encounter difficulties and struggles.  We need to support them, encourage them and resist the temptation to rescue them.  A well timed talk, text, drive or ice cream can make all the difference in the world to our kids.  Remember, our kids are more resilient than we think, smarter than we think and wiser than we think.  I relearned those lessons this week from a 16 year old boy.  Thanks Shaan.

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. Sean Breslin permalink
    March 8, 2012 8:10 am

    I was cut by my high school baseball team as well…glad to hear your son is taking the news the right way.

  2. Jennifer Simokaitis permalink
    March 8, 2012 8:51 am

    Hey Patrick!! As both a parent and a coach, Shaan’s attitude regarding this loss is about the best kind of validation you could get that your guidance has been spot on! Congratulations to both of you, and enjoy watching Shaan grow into the new space in his life!

  3. Todd Hansen permalink
    March 8, 2012 9:23 am

    Hey Pat – Todd (East) Hansen here, from class of ’83 EHS. Jack lee turned me on to your blog and I love it. Wish we could hang out, talk “dad” and have a beer. You have great perspective and I find your messages very relevant.

    Your Fan – Todd East

    • March 8, 2012 6:02 pm

      Todd, Thanks for the kind words. Down the road, I am hoping to get some virtual discussion groups going for Dads. Keep you posted. -PD

  4. Dave Fife permalink
    March 8, 2012 11:53 am

    Good word, Pat!

  5. March 9, 2012 5:17 am

    Terrific post!

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